


World Enough

by sonictrowel



Series: Long Night in the Blue House [30]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Family, Feels, Gen, Light Angst, Plot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 11:45:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10684635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonictrowel/pseuds/sonictrowel
Summary: When the phone rang through the lounge, he shot up from the floor yelling “Got it!” before Nardole could do anything but blink at him.  He’d scarcely let River out of his sight since Milly had gone, and wasn’t keen on changing that any time soon— or, preferably, ever— but he’d been desperate to talk to Mils alone.  He dashed down the corridor and into the bedroom, locking the door behind him.





	World Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Happy early anniversary to these two beautiful idiots! I've referenced Big Finish several times before in this story, but this one leans very heavily on Diary of River Song 2 and Doom Coalition, and contains spoilers for them. But you don't need to have listened to them to get it.
> 
> Enjoy the throwback to chapter one!

 

 

It was nearly eight months after Milly left when finally the TARDIS phone rang while River was out doing her shopping.The Doctor and Nardole were in the lounge, eating freshly-iced Christmas biscuits and playing the universe’s slowest game of chess, lit only by firelight and the multicoloured fairy lights on the tree.(The Doctor may or may not have been operating a small tree farm in a pocket dimension in a back room of the TARDIS; something of an idea left over from one of his previous adventures.There were just certain areas where he couldn’t compromise, and those included plastic trees.)Nardole was certainly more intelligent than one might first surmise, but he was still a poor match for the Doctor at chess, and spent about half an hour agonising over each move in an attempt to make a real go of the game.Which was fair enough.The Doctor laid back on the rug, munching on a snowman biscuit and daydreaming.

When the phone rang through the lounge, he shot up from the floor yelling “Got it!” before Nardole could do anything but blink at him.He’d scarcely let River out of his sight since Milly had gone, and wasn’t keen on changing that any time soon— or, preferably, ever— but he’d been desperate to talk to Mils alone.He dashed down the corridor and into the bedroom, locking the door behind him.

“Hello?” he asked the ringing room, holding his breath for the response.

“Hey!” came Milly’s voice over the call projector.“Happy almost-Christmas!Who’ve I got this time?”

“Just me,” the Doctor said, breathing a sigh of relief.“Mils, we’ve got to talk.”

“Bit ominous,” she replied, her voice teasing and apprehensive in equal measure.

“I figured it out,” he blurted.“It’s all that rubbish about the Hybrid, isn’t it?Have you got the High Council looking for you?”

“Well, don’t beat about the bush.”

“Mils, I mean it.Tell me.”He tried to sound stern, but only managed pleading.

Milly sighed heavily.“It… could be something like that,” she admitted finally.

“Shit.”

“You really shouldn’t be thinking about this.You’ve got Mum to look after.”

“No, I know, I know,” he mumbled, scrubbing at his forehead with the heel of his palm.“I don’t suppose you want to drop by and wipe it off my mind.Or, what year are you in right now?Is everyone still taking anxiety tablets?”

“Dad, come on,” she groaned.“You don’t need to worry.I— oh, hang on.”There was a scuffling sound; Milly, muffled and unintelligible in the background, and another, deeper voice.Then her voice again, a little closer— he thought it sounded like ‘are you sure this is a good idea?’ 

Another scuffle, and, “Right, um, hello,” said a voice on the line.His voice.

“Oh,” the Doctor said.That was unexpected.“I, uh.I thought I’d —er, _we’d_ — regenerated.”

“No comment.But I’m… not her usual one,” said the Doctor on the phone.“We're visiting.”

The familiar heaviness in his own voice was easy to read.Whenever he was, River wasn’t there.So whatever solution they might reach to save her would take some linear time, for him.He’d feared as much.

“Is, uh,” the Doctor struggled to formulate a coherent thought.“Is the usual one there as well, then?”

“Spoilers,” his other self responded instantly, and he heard Milly muttering something in the background.“Now, look— you’re hearing it from me.I’m looking after Mils.Twice.You’ve got River, and you had bloody well better be giving her every fucking second of your attention and not being a stupid prick.”

He wanted to be indignant at himself for chastising him, but he really couldn’t muster it in this case.“She’s already handed me my arse for being an idiot.Well, you know.”

“Yes,” he heard himself sigh, “I do.Just… whatever you do, you’ll wish you’d done more.You’ll wish you’d had more.”

“I know,” he said quietly.But his future self’s tone was becoming worrying.“But, it’s not over— you’re still working on it, we’re still figuring out a way…?”‘To save her’ died in his throat, too terrifying to voice if the answer might not be what he hoped.

“We are,” said the Doctor on the phone, sounding a little warmer.“And you'll still see her.Y’know, at night.”

“Oh, good.”A thought occurred to him.“Hey, did you ever figure out how to—”

“—to stop being Bow Tie?Really can’t believe I didn’t get this one sooner.”

“Enlighten me,” the Doctor said flatly.

“Where do you keep meeting her?”

He scowled in irritation at his future self talking to him like a teacher coaxing a particularly thick student into realising something obvious.“It was Trenzalore, then Calderon Beta,” he bit out.

“But they’re _not_ Trenzalore or Calderon Beta, are they?”

“Well, no, I suppose they’re… oh.Memories.”God, he _was_ thick.

“God, I was thick,” said the Doctor on the phone.It was always strange when that happened.

“In my defence,” he muttered, swiping a hand down his face and feeling quite foolish, “she’s… distracting.”

The other Doctor snorted.“I’m well aware.”

“So just — tell me something,” he said, trying to remember what he really needed to find out from himself.“Where did the Council get this bright fucking idea about Mils?”

“Well, they’ve met River.The entire bloody universe would’ve burned if she hadn’t been there.And _we’d_ be dead, of course.Still, not everyone was fond.But that’s Time Lords for you.”

“When the hell was this?”

“Before the start of the Time War.But she hasn’t done it yet, when she’s with you.”

“Fucking hell.”  The Doctor sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hand.  “I only just realised about Sister Cantica, but the rest is a blur.  I knew we met her— well, a lot more than _met_ , apparently _—_ before Sandshoes, but how many fucking times?  Do we ever get that back?”

“All of _that?_ Maybe someday.But… ask her about Rainbows again.”The future Doctor cleared his throat.“Anyway, I’m not sure yet exactly how they caught wind of Amelia.I… don’t _think_ it was Missy.I don’t want to think it was.”

“You’ve seen her, then?” the Doctor asked, feeling a headache coming on.

“Spoilers.But however they finally caught onto the idea that the Hybrid wasn’t necessarily half-Dalek, they eventually put two and two together.”

“And got fucking five.Mils isn’t going to destroy Gallifrey.”

“I shouldn’t think so.And I’d… really like her to be able to go there.”

The Doctor understood that sentiment well already.Living among and loving humans was only signing on for pain and loss, again and again.Milly deserved to have loved ones that she wouldn’t have to lose.

“What can I do now?” he asked.

“Give your wife a happy Christmas.You’ll hear when you need to do more.I’d wish you luck, but I’m the one who needs it.”

The Doctor sighed.Of course, it couldn’t be anything useful.“Well… good luck, then,” he muttered.

The one on the phone grunted in response.“Here, sweetheart,” he said, aimed away from the receiver.

“What, is Mils ‘sweetheart’ now too?I really am a sap.”

“You’ve no idea,” his future self replied, voice close again and filled with fond amusement.“Now go open the door.”

Before he could question the command, the Doctor heard River and Nardole talking in the front hall.He rushed to the bedroom door and leaned his head into the corridor.

“Honey!” he shouted.“Mils is on the phone!”

___

On Christmas Eve, Nardole was working at the Towers, and the Doctor and River were spread out side by side in front of the fire, lounging on pillows and finishing off the last of the brandy left over from the Doctor’s Christmas cake.It had finally begun to snow, just little flurries.They’d surely be sick to death of it again soon, but tonight it was still nice to see the fat flakes drifting slowly down through the window behind the tree. 

River was bathed in orange firelight on one side and a rainbow of colours from the fairy lights on the other, the edges of her halo of curls glowing in contrasting hues.Her bright eyes glittered in the low light and the Doctor found himself staring at her, entranced, and completely forgetting what they’d been talking about a moment ago. 

“River,” he murmured.

“Hm?”She smiled that sweet, loving, contented smile, and his hearts were so bursting with affection they actually ached.

He reached out a hand, his thumb brushing over her cheek, fingers slipping beneath her hair to settle along her jaw and stroke the soft skin just behind her earlobe.His wife, his family— his future, _still_.If only he could tell her.If only she knew what they would have, and that he wouldn’t let this be the end.

“I love you,” the Doctor said finally, simply; unable as always to truly explain.At least now he wasn’t too much of an idiot to tell her that.

River’s smile spread as she slowly leaned in closer, her gaze drifting down to his mouth as his fingers threaded through her hair to cradle the back of her head.  She was still smiling when their lips met, and she tasted sweeter and more intoxicating than the brandy.Her arm curled around his shoulders and his wrapped around her waist, pulling her in closer. 

“Honey,” he said, muffled against her perfect, soft lips, unable to will himself to pull away.

She hummed questioningly in reply, her tongue too busy for speech.  His response turned into something like “Mmhh,” and he gripped her tighter against him, giving himself over completely to the feel of her mouth moving with his, hot and soft and welcoming.

At length, they paused for breath.“Honey,” he mumbled again.“Could you help me with something?” 

Apparently realising that he was determined to use his mouth for talking, River had begun kissing his cheek and jaw instead.“What is it, darling?” she asked, her breath hot on his neck, making him shiver.

“Remember when you told me about, um, my first time with you?”

She stilled with her lips on his pulse point.“Yes?” she asked tentatively.

“I’d… I’d really love to be able to remember that,” he muttered, feeling absurdly shy.

River lifted her head to meet his eyes, her hand brushing over his cheek.“Is that something I _can_ help with?”

The Doctor nodded.“Possibly.If you remember it, you might be able to open it up for me.”

She bit her lip as she studied him.“I’ve never done that before.”

“Don’t worry, dear, you won’t hurt me,” he said, smiling warmly at her worried expression.

“Alright,” she said softly, raising her other hand to hold his face.“What do I do?”

“Well, I’ll try to remember as close as I can, first.What might Rainbows have been up to?”

“Oh, the usual: worlds ending, stars going dark, potential future-eating alien creatures, an evil corporation trying to create a duplicate Earth to sell off space on it to the highest bidders after the original one died.You were working there, in a proper office, trying to find out what they were up to.Didn’t get very far without me.”

“Oh… _Oh!_ Okay, yeah, I definitely have… some of that… hang on, were there _two_ of me?”

“Er, yes.But nothing as worth remembering with the other one.”

“Okay.I’ll just try to focus on the good part, then.Meet me there?”

River nodded, a nervous little smile on her lips, and pressed her fingers to the Doctor’s temples as she leaned her forehead against his.

It was a lot like meeting the other River in his dreams — after all, as he’d recently established with himself, it was really meeting her in his memories.But it was _exceedingly_ strange to inhabit such a distant regeneration.He could feel River’s memory guiding him into the murky parts of his own. 

And there she was: gorgeous, brilliant, kind, mysterious, making him feel a complete fool, and oh, he loved her for it.  She knew just how he took his tea.  She kissed him and he positively melted.  He fell in love with her in the space of a moment. 

Oh, god, what he wouldn’t give to have had her for all these lives. If only that really could have been the beginning.It should have been.Instead of running from her, he should have wrapped her in his arms and never, ever let her go. 

It seemed they were getting to that part.Of course he’d compare her to himself.He cringed.What a vain twat he was.But half in his memory, half in his body, he felt River’s lips on his twice, in unison.Her hands sliding into his hair as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

_She walked him backwards to the Zero Room and locked the round door behind them._

_Suddenly they were horizontal.The floating part was a bit odd for… this, but she seemed totally unfazed and she was kissing him, and nothing else in the universe mattered but this incredible woman who, if he dared to believe it, truly seemed to know and love him._

_“River,” he said._

_“Yes, sweetie?” she replied, her lips still close enough that they brushed against his as she spoke, her voice breathy and low.For a split second he felt like he might pass out on the spot, and it had nothing to do with being drained by a speravore._

_“I don’t, ehm, usually do… this sort of.Um.”_

_She beamed at him, and her smile was dazzling, radiant, adoring.How did he come to be the recipient of such a smile?_

_“It’s up to you, Doctor,” she said softly.“Whatever you want.But, I have to tell you.You won’t remember it.”She was still smiling, but the light in her eyes had dimmed._

_“I do know you.  That wasn't all just poetry, I _properly _know you, don’t I, River?”_

_“Yes,” she said solemnly.“But not yet.You aren’t meant to have met me, yet.”_

_“And when I do?What are we then, my dear?”_

_She smiled again.“Spoilers.”_

_“It’s hardly spoiling anything if I won’t remember it.”_

_She studied his face for a moment.“What do_ you _think?”_

_“Well, considering our current…position…”  His face flushed._

_“Yes?” she prompted, her smile regaining some of its brilliant shine._

_“I… think that I must love you very much, River.”_

_He might have been mistaken, but it seemed like her eyes were suddenly shining with tears when she ducked her head and tucked her face into his shoulder._

_“Might that be right?” the Doctor asked gently._

_“It… might be,” she responded, muffled into his shirt._

_His hearts pounded.It was all so sudden and mad, but, well, such was his life.The promise of River in his future was almost enough to make him not want to delay his next regeneration so very much after all.But, she was here.Right now.There was time enough for one more dream._

_He tipped her chin up to face him again, and her expression was carefully guarded.She smiled softly at him, but that vulnerability he’d seen before had been shut away._

_“Well then, my dear,” he said.“If you, ehm, if you— want to…”Her mouth was on his again before he could come up with an ending for that sentence, thank god._

_Her small, quick hands worked very efficiently at his buttons, and the Doctor tried to gather his wits to keep pace with undressing her.She was so warm, and fit so perfectly in his arms.Her glorious hair was splayed around her face in the anti-grav, and laid bare beside him, she truly was a vision in gold.He took her hand in his and laced their fingers together, and she beamed at him again, her smile a little less restrained._

_“I wonder,” he muttered, stroking her forehead and brushing a curl out of her face.“Are you married, River?”_

_She pursed her lips but couldn't hide her widening smile.“Considering, as you said, our current_ position, _this is a much more pointed question than it was the last time you asked me.”_

_“Ah, so I have asked you before?”_

_“Not quite when you should have done,” she said, twisting her lips again in a reluctant grin._

_“And your answer then, my dear?”_

_“Yes.Always yes.”_  

_It was such a foreign thing; such an ancient, buried memory, but with River it seemed as natural as breathing.She sighed and arched into him as his hands cautiously wandered, offering encouragement and sweet little sounds that made something deep in his stomach flutter.She clung to him and kissed trails all along his body, and every touch of her lips felt like a blossom of regeneration energy, feeding new life into him._

_They came together and he_ belonged, _without question._ They _belonged._

_“Sweetie,” she breathed into his ear._

_Surrounded by her radiant warmth, so deeply connected, something was bleeding over.Impressions of River’s thoughts — a wave of love and devotion that nearly stole his breath away.Closely followed by one of loneliness.He held her closer, pushed deeper, trying to chase it from her mind._

_“Are you a Time Lady?” the Doctor panted into her ear._

_“Spoilers,” she whispered into his._

_She had to be.Everything about her said she had to be.In that moment, he fervently hoped that someday, they’d have a thousand lifetimes._

“I’ll miss you, River,” _he said to her, mind to mind._

 _She startled for an instant, but then she met his eyes and spoke silently back to him:_ “You won’t have to.But I’ll miss you, my love.”

_He kissed her again, and she rolled her hips against him, and he was utterly lost in her._

 

_They lay tangled up in each other in the Zero Room until the Doctor drifted off to sleep.When he awoke, he was aware of having had a truly wonderful dream, but couldn’t quite grasp the details, as they slipped like water through his fingers._

 

The Doctor finally withdrew from the memory, and found himself completely in the present again, wrapped up in River just as he had been in his mind.Hearts pounding, they clung to each other to push away the spectre of loss.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.“It was a bit… sad.”

“I have you now, sweetheart,” the Doctor mumbled into the crook of her neck.“I have you now and I’m never fucking letting you go.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

 


End file.
